Douglas Johns, LCSW
Portland, Oregon
503-252-3739
Self-Compassion
Douglas Johns, LCSW
Compassion means "to suffer
with". When we have compassion for someone we "feel" some
of his pain. We identify, in some way, with another
person's experience. True compassion is also
self-compassion.
However, when I'm in pain I don't want to feel it. I don't
want to suffer. I may try to withdraw from the pain in one
way or another. Some people use drugs or alcohol to cover
the pain. Perhaps we try not to think about it or we deny
that it's there. To do so, however, is a subtle rejection
of self. It is dissatisfaction with my experience of
myself.
To deny my pain and suffering actually gives more weight
and power to it. On the other hand, to accept my pain in
this moment (without worry to the past or future experience
of it) creates some space for me to just be who I am; to
just be as I am. This is the beginning of self-compassion.
Self-compassion means accepting my experience of self at
any particular moment with kindness and friendliness. I
even accept my suffering as part of who I am in that
moment. (Not all of who I am, just part of me.) I
relate with
my pain rather than
rejecting it. This is hard to do, of course, because we are
so trained to reject pain and to discount ourselves when we
feel it. However, self-compassion requires us to be
intimate with our pain and suffering. We can learn to
relate with our pain and suffering with tenderness.
Self-compassion is important for living a joyful life. When
we are able to accept our own human experiences, and our
individual human vulnerability, we calm the mind and create
space to consciously decide how to live our lives from
moment to moment. This ability allows us to be more fully
present for ourselves; to be our own best friend.
Self-compassion is the key to living your life with
freedom.
Please call me with any questions you have at 503-252-3739.